| happiness is singing together when day is through. |
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| flip it and reverse it. |
[09 Oct 2008|02:17am] |
i havent even thought about livejournal in months.
but im sitting in my living room alone at 2am and i remembered to myself that i had a life before i moved to seattle
and then the feeling of that encroached upon me and i started reading entries from senior year.
WOW.
wowowowowow.
i am a completely different human.
everyone is, but i just feel like i'm from a different planet right now.
i find it laughable that i was ever...the way i was. i dont know. wow. holy shit. it would take 10 years for me to catch everyone up to where i am now.
so i will just say this;
college is everything i expected and WAY WAY WAY more than i ever wanted.
it is hard.
it is beautiful.
it is freeing and liberating
im learning SO MUCH
and im spending time with the best people of my life.
and im happy.
and im relativley healthy.
the world is changing so much.
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| the great dividing range merely proves we're indivisible |
[20 May 2008|01:45am] |
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cherokee nation |
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UPDATE!
prom: was awesome. wore beautiful dress and had 1950s hairdo and red lipstick. best promdate ever. horribly uncomfortable shoes. danced all night and ate only peanut butter cookies although there was lots of food. danced with everyone, especially joey. took pictures in the horrible heat. fell to the ground after the time warp, screamed bohemian rhapsody along with the 200 other people there. in perfect unison. toppled over at joeys later and flashed a few people. went swimming in my clothes, ate some pasta, danced to some 80s music, fell asleep in a monkey mask. after 2 hours of sleep in the early morning, went to the beach and swam in dolphin filled waves with my best friends. rolled around in the sand, went swimming after, thai food.
life: moving way too fast. finally realizing how far i am from that little weird girl from oregon who wore tinkerbell shirts and wrote poetry on her desk and called her best friend every night as her main source of entertainment. spending time with the people who really matter out of all of this. 15 days left of school. waiting for life to end and begin. tugging on the strings of how it used to be. existentialism and vonnegutisms. carpe diem and bill jennings poetry. riding in cars with boys, greek nights, three cast parties this weekend and three birthday parties next weekend.
school: triad project, le petit prince, basically finished. 12 years of school almost done.
theater: a punchline, my last show at santa su, opens thursday and closes friday. somewhere along there i plan to break down sufficently.
body: messed up.
brain: enthralled.
work: idk i made like sixty bucks in april. i never work anymore.
men: fuck men, i will find new ones in seattle.
seattle: in august. can this possibly work? probably not. i am a tiny little thing.
important upcoming events: punchline, gradnite, graduation, death cab concert, wall-e, japan.
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| wow. |
[06 May 2008|10:16pm] |
i cant believe the way i used to think.
that little things that were blessings actually made me angry.
that i ever complained about my family.
that i took the education system for granted and complained uselessly about everything to fill a space that wasnt even really there.
i would like to apologize for my narrowmindedness.
americans are so lucky and so dumb.
i really wish we could all just have some global perspective.
my life is fine and great at the moment.
the school year is coming to an end, which is really shocking and i'm not sure if i'm ready to face graduation.
i have so many beautiful friends who will face it with me, though.
we will cry and we will sing.
and then i guess i'll go to college.
wow. shit. wow.
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[10 Mar 2008|05:29pm] |
i would delete this if i didnt have entries dating back from 8th grade.
this is here for remembering.
i will no longer be here.
:]
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| cherokee nation |
[25 Feb 2008|01:07am] |
this is such an exciting time of year.
acceptance letters, senior projects, lovemakin and bootyshakin.
i think im pretty positive i'll be going to cornish next semester.
i am so FUCKING exicted.
this week end i was in chicago auditioning for ccpa.
it was very prestigious, very professional, but not at all ME.
i cant picture spending 4 years there, as much as i do love chicago.
it only furthered my decision to go to seattle.
so off i will go.
howev, i did get a rad pair of purple pants and i got to spend lots of time with the fam, and free food from hot dougs because my family owns chicago.
school house rock was wednesday..
i was basically high on happiness the whole night so i dont remember much except being SO SO proud of my cast and wishing i had done more to make it amazing.
chelsea carroll is the best person i have ever met.
she has made me who i am.
without her i would not have had a senior project. i would not be happy, healthy, or full of energy.
i would be a shit talkin fat community college bound 1.4 gpa emotionless shopping soulless sally.
thank god for chelsea carroll.
amen.
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[12 Feb 2008|11:24pm] |
danielle: i told my mom that i want to donate my organs and she flipped out.
kelsey: why?
danielle: i dont know, i guess she doesnt want to think about what would happen if i died.
kelsey: i dont picture you ever dying. i just dont feel like you are going to ever die./
danielle: i dont want to think about it.
kelsey: me either.
danielle: i guess i just always figured that there will be some empty garage in heaven we'll all meet up in.
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[10 Feb 2008|11:47pm] |
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i am working on centering my life, i guess.
i wish high school kids understood what dating is.
i hate how in higschool its like
"i like you! lets go on a date."
one date later
"BE MY BOY/GIRLFRIEND!!"
its like,
alright guys. thats not how the real world is.
anyway.
theyre getting pineapple dole whip at tutus!!
today i audished for amda and saw persepolis at the living room in the landmark on a couch
and ate at real food daily which is my favorite ever.
i had like 3 a's on my report card!
and, my senior project is going to be OVER in two weeks!!
everything is beautiful and fresh and lovely, and life is a highway and im gonna ride it and every days a winding road yeah
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| accepted! |
[29 Jan 2008|11:15pm] |
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to cornish college of the arts in seattle washington.
this is one of the best days of my life.
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| sometimes, the things you most wish for |
[29 Jan 2008|12:12am] |
are not to be touched.
after school on friday, danced in the rain and went home with friends. watched beatles anthology and took a shower, got ready with chelsea rachel and andrew for an unneccisary 3 hours.
went to cosettes and took intense amounts of pictures in my pretty lace dress, with my date who wore converse.
got tossed around like a ragdoll and let people take my picture.
i have never hated smiling more.
got in the raddest party bus ever.
party party party
formal
dance dance dance dance
dance dance dance
iced tea
dance dance dance dance dance dance
dance
slow dance
dance dance
dance dance dance
party bus
dance dance dance party party
taylers, dance dance, sit sit talk about life, guitars and sleeping and waking up and dancing and falling asleep and waking up. 20 missed calls.
morning. cuddle, walk around outside, gardenburgers, barnes and noble, art books and taylers huge camera.
drive home
tommy throws up all over me
shower
work
work work work
early to bed
wake up work work work work work work money!
paycheck work work.
go to rehearsal, 2 run throughs
chelseas
pasta and making planets
luis' allergy attack
guitars
angry boys happy tayler
go home and cry in the bathroom for an hour
joeys at like midnight
drunk people in barge
dance dance dance
drunk drunk drunk
truth or dare?!
great talk with amy jennings
faith restored in humanity
talk talk talk
pass out, sleep for three hours
wake up shower work work work work work work work work work
home
nap
amelie
fight fight fight
cry
dave comes over
discussion
driving around, a-ha and aquabats
lost canyon
borders, birthday presents and cherokee meditations
park swings playground
home, tea, family guy and little sister.
a new semester starts tomorrow.
i have no idea how i feel about anything.
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| transitions |
[23 Jan 2008|09:58pm] |
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finals.
i have started seeing a very nice short italian boy who plays guitar and likes to cook.
he makes me nervous and floaty, which is a good distraction from all the college shit that constantly pours in and out of my day.
some of my best friends are letting me down
and the good ones are sticking around, so its ok.
seattle is beautiful.
i am so concerned for the future.
since new years my outlook has changed entirely.
i feel like a new person.
i am starting to let things go, not even worry about them in the first place.
i am trying to be honest with everyone, nice to everyone, and happy with everything even when it would be easier to bitch constantly as per usual.
i'm eating better, excersizing more, taking the extra step to make my life beautiful.
i just really want to get into college and start my life.
winter formal is in two days
tomorrow after i fail my english and french finals i will be getting pho with chelsea, then at jessies to do formal stuff and then at sams to meet his dad and eat dinner.
the next day i will put on a beautiful dress, take friendly pictures with andrew, dance like crazy with my friends and fall asleep in tayler paskals beautiful living room.
everything is changing
sometimes it feels like it changes with the weather.
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[17 Jan 2008|07:16pm] |
i am at the airport waiting for my plane.
here we go!
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| shes gonna be pissed when she wakes up |
[14 Jan 2008|07:18pm] |
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i cant believe my life right now.
what the FUCK!
ahahahahahahahahaahaha
i need joey to come home right now
and i also need to stop being so pathetic
for matt johnson to stop punching me
and to know what i want
if i knew what i wanted, this would all be easier.
sleepless long nights?
that is what my youth is for.
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[07 Jan 2008|11:28pm] |
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my mom came in and said, "its 6:30, come look at the sunrise"
so i did, and it was pretty. but i was really tired, and besides, i didnt want the sun to be rising, because that meant
a) it was morning and b) today would be sunny.
its been rainy lately and thats how i like it. i like the way the rain smells and the way it makes my eyes look, which sounds weird, but i am weird.
i told her i was going to get ready, but ended up locking myself in my room and falling asleep for another half hour anyway.
took a shower, no more conditioner, used weird european hotel shit. i still smell like a hotel.
picked out an outfit comprised of new christmas clothes. blue sweater, madeline shirt, jeans i got for ten bucks in santa monica.
went downstairs and ate cream of rice with my mom and sister.
sister gave me her old ipod because she got a new one for christmas.
dad and i watched the today show, about a man whose face turned blue.
went to school.
turned on the ipod and listened to ben kweller while i tried to look like i knew what was going on.
missed joey as soon as i walked through the hall.
missed his hands, missed his voice.
saw some freshmen that i know from musical theater and asked them politely how their break was, even though i didnt really care.
dont remember what they said.
talked about how much i missed joey, fealt boring, walked to my locker.
saw luis and rio, who complained about things.
luis gave me some gloves that he said were chelseas.
went to english alone.
chelsea said the gloves werent hers, put them back in my bag.
asked people how their breaks were, again, didnt really care.
sarah abrams got into fidm.
really happy for her, also really jealous.
thought about college auditions and how they need to be so good so i can have a future doing something i love.
got depressed.
listened to ms bradley talk for a while, joey texted me from his grandmas phone in italy.
cried because i miss him so much.
texted with joey for a little bit, cried.
chelsea turns around and starts crying about her schedule conflicts between dance and theater.
pretend to be sympathetic, secretly just wish i had as much to do in my life as she does.
chelsea is actually pretty when she cries.
talked to marlisa for the first time in weeks.
ms bradley talked more. mentions death, senior projects, and hamlet.
tune out.
bell. locker. empty space.
go to ethics and logic
share ipod with cesar, listen to david hasslehoff.
drink some of rachels diet coke even though i hate diet coke.
discuss how frightening sperm whales are.
thankful i never had to read moby dick.
talk about cloning, decide hastily that i am against it.
draw a star of david on the board next to rachels name.
watch part of "the island"
ewan macgregor is hot.
24 hour fitness calls and tells me i have won a free membership.
dance all the way to french and tell everyone about my free membership.
fall asleep in french, zone out, miss joey, get depressed, hate consumerism, wish i was going to france.
raise my hand to share about my break, but dont get called on.
everyone went snowboarding.
i think about how boring and pointless sports are,
and how i hate manmade snow.
draw madeline on the board
draw madeline all over my paper
talk to chelsea across the room about madeline
locker, get note from jessie bruno, hug some random people, throw a tampon at amy panameno accidentally.
hug her apoligetically.
government. my hands are blue, which reminds me of the blue face man on tv.
tell mr long that my hands are blue.
worry.
wash hands.
hands no longer blue.
mr long makes fun of me, calls me Tiny Tim, class laughs, learn about the election.
chelseas waterbottle is funny, laugh about it, laugh because chelsea and i have really cold seats
stand up because seats are too cold.
sit down.
write jessie bruno a note in french.
lose note. have no idea where it is. which sucks, because it was funny.
go to drama studio to microwave top ramen, find out that ms abbe is not here. decide to ditch 6th period with chelsea and marlisa.
see friends by dance studio. dance.
call back 24 hour fitness. schedule consultation for 5:30pm. dance, scream about stuff, hug friends, get in chelseas car.
drive to starbucks. order iced coffee, sit with chelsea and marlisa and talk about theater and school.
the same things we always talk about.
get panda express because i need to eat.
laugh about how we always ditch choir
go back to school for play production
sit on black couch with emily mcgreevy and sing loudly so people will stay on key
talk to peggy
peggy angry
senior project sucks.
go to student store with matt johnson and cosette
watch them buy food, look in the mirror
laugh because i look like a bratz doll.
go to theater.
sit on couch, read through for beauty and the beast.
decide that i hate almost everything about show.
say all of my lines completely wrong.
dont really care.
miss joey
miss joey
miss joey
wish he was with me to laugh about all of the ways i defaced my script.
wish he was with me.
tired, angry, want to drop play
but wont
end theater
mom comes, go home, get gym clothes, go to gym.
find out its a 20 day trial, not free membership
get sort of sad
sign up for free trail anyway
see that theres a 24 hour in tigard
miss kelsey
wish i was in portland
work out for an hour alone
miss friends in general
listen to regina and the beatles
burn some cals
do some situps that hurt my back
wish i wasnt such a fatass.
go home, eat healthy food, decide never again to eat meat
obviously i will end up eating meat again.
hate hypocrisy, hate self, hate consumerism, hate america
go on computer
hate computer
miss joey
read book, love book
text, whine
miss joey
talk to jessie about stupid things
and funny things
make soy ice cream sundae
watch bad sitcoms with father
sing for father
go on college websites
walk around
waste time, homework, waste time
tom calls, talks about college
wish i was in college
read book about college
wish i was in college
miss joey
dont look forward to work tomorrow
wish i was in portland
or france
drink water, read book
try to sleep
get depressed
write extremely long livejournal entry about day to waste time and get tired
miss joey
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| 08 oh shit. |
[05 Jan 2008|01:25am] |
winter break has been fair.
i went to disneyland with my friends,
to the beach like 4 times,
bought a gorgeous winter formal dress,
worked a lot
had some overwhelming sleepovers
got a mild concussion on new years eve
saw a million movies and played a lot of board games.
at least its finally raining.
my kind of good weather.
I AM SO NERVOUS FOR MY LIFE.
i need joey to come back from italy now.
right now.
come on.
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| extra extra |
[14 Dec 2007|12:13am] |
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currently..
friend: dave and marlisa
book: slapstick by kurt vonnegut, and re-reading Girl Godess #9 for about the 80th time.
song: "whole wide world" by wreckless eric.
movie: much ado about nothing and i'm not there
interest: bob dylan and boys who play guitar
ambition: college
in school: ethics and athiests, mcbeth, pere noel, ron paul 08, madrigal dinner, a punch you in the face line, beauty and the yeast infection.
auditions: cornish college on january 18th, amda on february 10th, chicago college of performing arts on february 23rd, beauty and the beast next week.
food: natcaf tofu, mashed potatoes and tangerines.
hair: not orange anymore.
heart: whatever
brain: a fucking MESS
body: sore.
oh no.
did love just leave you bruised?
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[01 Dec 2007|10:46am] |
the showcase has been going relativley well.
i think.
two more today/tonight and then we're done!
beauty and the beast!
i am so excited for that show.
:]
i had a really scary dream last night that prom was on like friday, and i had to get a dress and find a date and do everything in like three days. it was frightening.
i am waiting for my boyz to come over for a little while before call time so we can finish watching pocahontas.
i am the cute one.
love,
kelsey
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| news; |
[27 Nov 2007|12:06am] |
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i am craving travel.
i want to get out of the state.
preferably out of the country.
california, especially the los angeles/simi part, is just too small for me.
if i stay in one place i lose my mind.
i threw away my black eyeliner.
i lost my voice.
i want to have the best night of my life.
really, i just want to meet a boy.
i dont believe in high school relationships, but i havent had butterflies in so long that im scared the next boy who makes me nervous and happy, i will just end up marrying.
i am terrified that i wont get into college.
i am working so hard on my audition shit and application shit.
i regret nothing.
im too big for this place.
i need to run around and set my body free!!
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[12 Nov 2007|11:41am] |
08!
i am SO busy at this moment in my life.
but just in case.
me chronicles this weekend went way better than expected and i love play production right now and last night was cosettes chola gangster party and it was pretty fun and this morning i woke up at her house and ate cinammon rolls and in about 10 minutes i have to go run a rehearsal for my senior project (school house rock! february 20!) i hate boys they are obviously stupid for many reasons one being that they are completely unaware of how you feel until you directly tell them i have an a in AP english and im going to seattle in january to audition for cornish work is good the music and food and buddha make it fun plus there is a very perfect boy there of whom i would like to fuck and also chelsea carroll is my best friend.
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[05 Nov 2007|12:34am] |
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i feel like i'm about to crash and burn.
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| are we falling or flying? |
[31 Oct 2007|11:37pm] |
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i am sick to death of people lying all the fucking time.
and being typical teenagers.
talking shit behind everyones back and being BFFs to their face.
seriously?
i dont even know who my friends ARE.
apparently i have sooo many.
i would like for people to be up front.
and honest.
even if that means you lose me as a friend.
i would rather not be friends at all than have you talk a lot of shit about me to everyone else.
GET OVER IT.
IT HAPPENED FOREVER AGO.
STOP RUINING MY LIFE WITH THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE.
GROW UP.
i want to grow up so so so badly.
february i am auditioning for chicago college of the performing arts, cornish college of the arts, uarts and calarts.
and even if i dont get into any of those,
i will not be staying in simi valley when i graduate.
i will go to some obscure community college in a random city where no one can visit me.
aight.
great.
also,
i would like for there to be a boy who appreciates my mind and gives a shit about my heart.
the end.
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